He flaked. So DAMN close, too. It took me like fifteen minutes to explain to my friend (I do have one or two girl friends, after all) how lunch and much more ALMOST happened, because it was just so... words are escaping me.

I guess I'll say that he must have just wanted me to push him into it, and I was only willing to go so far. I brought it up, he said maybe. I reminded him I was taking lunch at 12, he said he couldn't get off until a little later. I was walking away at around lunch time, he asked where I was going. Repeatedly. I said I didn't know/ didn't have anywhere to go, he stared at me with that damn glint in his eyes and waited for me to tell him to meet me somewhere. I guess I should have, but I'm not a freaking slut for heaven's sake. I mean, give a freaking inch once in a while. I know you want me, just make the damn move. Times like these, I could almost prefer women to men. No, not that way you bastards. But you should know how much I dislike my own kind, so that's saying something. To all you men out there like Ken: please, for the love of God, get some nerve.

On the bright side, Evan gave me his email address and asked if I was mad at him... flirted a lot. He's so great to be around. Anyway, he wants to keep in touch while I'm away, and I'll be back for a while in December so it's sort of promising that he offered that. Also got a hilarious homemade going away "card" from this guy I've recently started flirting with-- yet another one, I kid you not. He's Ryan. Hot but not necessarily my type, kind of guido-ish. Also, I'm 90% sure he just got engaged. Surprised? Me neither. And a random guy that came into the office gave me his phone number. Actually, he yelled it across the office. Apparently that should have embarrassed me. I thought it was hilarious. Plus he wasn't altogether bad looking. Not that I even wrote down his number, much less have plans to call him, but I'll take a compliment any day. Unless it's backhanded. Hate those.

Didn't see Tom today. That SUCKED. I think I was maybe more disappointed that I didn't see Tom than I was about not going to lunch with Ken. Part of me is afraid that this is going to be a pattern, since Tom is more attractive than Ken. I really hope I don't turn into one of those people that is always looking out for something (or someone) better. But honestly at this point, while I am really attracted to both, I think more about Tom. I think about Tom, I think about him the way he thinks about me... I think about the way he thinks about me... why is my timing SO TERRIBLE! Right, need to calm down, there will be beautiful men where I'm going. I've seen them, I know. This post is too long. Bye.


Heff said...

I'm sorry, you lost me after " I could almost prefer women to men..."

Kinda made my own story up from there.

J. said...

I don't believe in soul mates, so there's always more fish in the ocean. And you're young, have fun and explore!

do you think you have it? said...

heff-- ok, ok, i asked for it.

j-- that is some advice i'll definitely take ;)

happyian said...

I'm actually a pretty funny guy.
I don't see why it's ironic...

I find your posts painful
because I am a romantic

and I can't like more than one girl at once
and I would never be with someone who was with someone else
and I don't understand people who can

and thats why i read this
because you are different
and that makes it interesting.

happyian said...

*Hopeless romantic