summary of my weekend in quotes

***my name is S***

Thursday
guy: Where's your drink?
me: I have five classes tomorrow.
guy: Wow. (pause) Why?

Friday
best friend: We should get sex changes. We could be the best guys at [name of my school].
--
roommate: Why do all older men hit on you?

Saturday:
best friend: (disoriented and drunk) I thought I was looking for something...
me: Your dignity?
--
me: Jeff, can I borrow your phone? My purse is locked in Nick's room.
guy friend: (walking by and shaking head) S...
---
(I am in the hall talking to two guys that have been hitting on me the past few weeks and two girls come out of a room)
guy 1: S, have you met my girlfriend?
guy 2: S, have you met my girlfriend?

Sunday:
guy roommate: We need to help [other roommate]. She's too nice.
me: I'm not.
(silence... then laughing)
guy roommate: We need to help her be more like S.
--
Tom Cruise: sometimes you just need to say 'what the fuck' and make your move

let's take a vote

Who thinks Prof is taken and who thinks he is single? I'll find a way to figure it out within the week.

Also, hit on by a DILF while buying books today. Let the record show that I was wearing no makeup, a tee shirt and shorts. Anyway, he was with his (granted, adorable) 3-year-old, but seeing how he was at a university bookstore, he had to have a kid at least somewhat close to my age. Weird though, I would have pegged him at 38.

I find this unsurprising on both counts: the hitting-on and my incorrect age-estimating.

So tell me what you think about Prof. Prizes for the winning voters.

my life seems to have grown significantly less exciting.

Stopped by Prof's office today armed with a shameless excuse of a question on subject matter, but he wasn't there. I tend to just assume people are going to be where I want them to be, when I want them there. It doesn't always work out so well for me, but such is the life of spontaneity.

Not worth giving him a name yet, but there's a cute guy in one of my classes that started chatting me up today. This is a plus because the professor seems to really love the sound of his own voice significantly more than the students do. One funny thing I realized today: I love parentheses so much that I found myself using them in my thoughts. Like, my thoughts wouldn't have sounded as good out loud as they would have on paper. This, my friends, is why I write.

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i'm just going to have to come out and say it

I'm in school. Hence, the leaving and coming back and all that. I'm a grad student actually. Believe it or not, I study and get pretty fantastic grades in between all of my obsessions over men. So, with that said, I sort of met someone... one of my professors is very attractive and seems to think the same of me. Let's call him Prof.
I would have a hot professor.
Jury's still out on whether or not he's married or otherwise involved. I'm trying to learn to pick up on the signs of that, and not really succeeding. He doesn't wear a ring though, but that may or may not mean anything. So, we'll see where that goes. I should really find someone that is a) single and b) not in a position of authority/working with me.

So other than my new interest, I don't have a whole lot to write about. I've just been mad busy starting up classes, setting up interviews, working, going out, furnishing my apartment, all that. I did realize something about partying though; it seems like the older I get, the less of a desire I have to party party. Lately when I've been seeing the undergrads all out stumbling around, dressed to the nines and generally being obnoxiously drunk, I've just been realizing how ridiculous I must have looked at that age (and let's be serious, at this age sometimes). I'd much rather have my few friends that I go out with, hit a few bars, and meet new people that I'm able to remember the next day. And I'd so much rather smoke (not cigarettes) than drink. Maybe I'm just one of those people who's more, let's say predisposed, to smoke. A lot of people are surprised that I'd rather smoke though, since I'm so NOT the stereotypical pothead. Even when I smoke, I don't just sit there like, duhhhh... You know what I mean? Great because I know just what I mean :).

Right so I'm off to go be productive.

too much

Soo, the good/bad thing about hardly drinking for the past few months is that when you do drink again, you get way more drunk, way more quickly. Especially if you've hardly eaten that day. I only had like 4 or 5 beers over the course of the night last night, but somehow I ended up completely shitfaced. Then I made the genius decision to take two monster hits.
Let's just say I didn't make it home until 10 this morning. Didn't make any bad life decisions though, other than getting obliterated. Luckily I didn't get a headache today though, just a sick stomach. Managed to drag my ass outside and go for a half hour jog, which felt sort of refreshing until I stopped.

I wanted to briefly say something that bugs me. When and why did "curvy" become a euphemism for "fat"? It's really annoying to those of us who actually are curvy. Take me for example. I have big boobs that are just wider than my hips, a narrow waist, and hips. I essentially have an hourglass shape. So WHY do I have to be lumped into a category with fat girls? Not only does that annoy me because I can't refer to myself the way that I actually am without inducing negative connotations, but when you substitute the word "fat" for the word "curvy", you are subtly saying that being curvy is an undesirable thing. Um, it's NOT! I love my boobs. I love my ass. I love my skinny waist.
Dear media,
Stop trying to tell me to hate the parts of me that make me feel sexy.

packing blows

I need to not buy any more white lacy tank tops. I discovered that I have twelve of them.

almost

He flaked. So DAMN close, too. It took me like fifteen minutes to explain to my friend (I do have one or two girl friends, after all) how lunch and much more ALMOST happened, because it was just so... words are escaping me.

I guess I'll say that he must have just wanted me to push him into it, and I was only willing to go so far. I brought it up, he said maybe. I reminded him I was taking lunch at 12, he said he couldn't get off until a little later. I was walking away at around lunch time, he asked where I was going. Repeatedly. I said I didn't know/ didn't have anywhere to go, he stared at me with that damn glint in his eyes and waited for me to tell him to meet me somewhere. I guess I should have, but I'm not a freaking slut for heaven's sake. I mean, give a freaking inch once in a while. I know you want me, just make the damn move. Times like these, I could almost prefer women to men. No, not that way you bastards. But you should know how much I dislike my own kind, so that's saying something. To all you men out there like Ken: please, for the love of God, get some nerve.

On the bright side, Evan gave me his email address and asked if I was mad at him... flirted a lot. He's so great to be around. Anyway, he wants to keep in touch while I'm away, and I'll be back for a while in December so it's sort of promising that he offered that. Also got a hilarious homemade going away "card" from this guy I've recently started flirting with-- yet another one, I kid you not. He's Ryan. Hot but not necessarily my type, kind of guido-ish. Also, I'm 90% sure he just got engaged. Surprised? Me neither. And a random guy that came into the office gave me his phone number. Actually, he yelled it across the office. Apparently that should have embarrassed me. I thought it was hilarious. Plus he wasn't altogether bad looking. Not that I even wrote down his number, much less have plans to call him, but I'll take a compliment any day. Unless it's backhanded. Hate those.

Didn't see Tom today. That SUCKED. I think I was maybe more disappointed that I didn't see Tom than I was about not going to lunch with Ken. Part of me is afraid that this is going to be a pattern, since Tom is more attractive than Ken. I really hope I don't turn into one of those people that is always looking out for something (or someone) better. But honestly at this point, while I am really attracted to both, I think more about Tom. I think about Tom, I think about him the way he thinks about me... I think about the way he thinks about me... why is my timing SO TERRIBLE! Right, need to calm down, there will be beautiful men where I'm going. I've seen them, I know. This post is too long. Bye.

fingers crossed...

If you are reading this, cross your fingers now. . . ok thanks. I figure I can use all the help I can get. Maybe even say a little prayer for me, since I've been wanting this the WHOLE FREAKING SUMMER. So. Today. Flirting with Ken.

Me: so when are you taking me out to lunch?
Ken: not today (frustrated), we have blah blah blah and blah to finish.
Me: aww, you know tomorrow's my last day...
Ken: I know (sad face but glint in the eye)
[smoldering glances]
Me: (over shoulder as I walk away) well, think about it.
[later in the day, I run into him unexpectedly]
Me: hey, you
Ken: hey, Having It Girl (fumbles with papers a little) ...when are you breaking for lunch tomorrow?
Me: around noon. (I get legitimately distracted by someone else for a minute, then tap him with my papers to get his attention) so... noon. (I walk away)

Think it'll actually happen? I mean, I'm afraid he'll flake out on lunch altogether. *cough*Tom*cough*. Speaking of Tom, I didn't even see his sexy ass today. bitch. I did see him yesterday though, and i hate to say it, but I'm even more attracted to Tom than I am to Ken. Not to mention the fact that Tom pictures me naked when he sees me. I mean let's be serious, he may as well come out and tell me what he's thinking. When I saw him yesterday, though, he didn't make any outright come-ons, and he also didn't say anything about flaking last Thursday. It really sucks that I'm leaving.

the men: indexed

B is Brad -- co-worker that is considerably older than me, but maintains the badass attitude and player reputation.

E is Evan -- sweet, closer to my own age, expresses interest in me but fails to make a definite move. I eventually find out that he is actually 17 years my senior. bummer.

J is Jason -- oh, Jason. great chemistry. has girlfriend that I work with on daily basis. partner of my almost-indiscretion that incites much office gossip. Added later: what I thought was "chemistry" was actually my own "vanity."

K is Ken -- my first real flirtation since getting back into shape. married. lots of chemistry.

M is Mike -- worked with closely a few times. married with a daughter that is almost my age. still, lots of chemistry. called me beautiful twice.

R is Ray -- still much older, but younger than Brad. single. more recent development and not quite so much chemistry, but still fun.

Ryan -- shit, there are two R's now. Is it bad that I only realized that as I was adding Ryan to the list? hot but not really my type, fun flirtation that I'll stay in touch with despite leaving.

S is Steve -- hardly deserves to be mentioned in here because he is such a minor character in my life. "likes the young ones". semi-creepy, but keeps to himself and mostly just stares.

T is Tom -- save the best for last. married with kids. most attractive man I see on a daily basis. friends-with-everyone type. did I mention sexy? makes "naked" comments.

cavities: the new hottest turn-on?

This post will be short because I'm impatient and I have a shit ton of stuff to do.
So apparently I have a new hot dentist? He must have just joined the practice. However: TALK about an awkward way to meet a guy. So there he is, digging around through my FIRST EVER cavity. Can't really be thinking about how much he'd like to make out with that, now can he? Somehow he still flirted with me though. He had the whole suave guy thing down pat, winking and all. When he first came over and sat down by my chair, he reached down and kind of tenderly brushed a hair away from my face even though it was so not in the way. Would have been sweeter if he weren't married. Do all married men manage to fit their wives into all conversations with younger women that they flirt with? I mean really. Oh one more thing. Apparently laying out is like this sexy thing to men. When he came in to see me, he grinned at me and asked if I had any plans for the weekend. I said, laying out today, and he kind of fumbled his words before spitting out something about hoping that I wear enough... sunscreen.

I'll be posting a... what's it called... thing where you list characters or whatnot for reference? Well I'll be posting one of those so you (and I...) can keep all of my men straight. Anyway it should be up later today or tomorrow.

oh, the frustration

I am leaving my job in a week. (but I need more time with my men!) Oh well it's probably for the better. Who knows what would happen, especially in light of recent incidents with Tom, and today with Evan.

Not sure if I've mentioned Evan before but he's been sort of a conundrum because he is the one who has probably expressed the most interest, without being overtly sexual, or, get this, taken! Wow, who knew single guys liked me?! So anyway the conundrum lies in the fact that he hasn't made a real move in the past few weeks, despite paying attention to me, dropping numerous hints of interest, etc. The logical step would have been to get my number. So he told me straight up today that he's been holding back because of my leaving so soon, and more or less said that he didn't want to start anything because he knew I'd be going at the end of the summer. He also said that he thought I thought he was a lot younger than he was... turns out he's a mere 17 years older than me. Yeah that was a shock to me; I had him pegged at 8 years younger than he is. which would make him 9 years older, which isn't such a big deal.

Also, lunch with Tom isn't happening. Barely saw him today, and when I did see him, there were other people around and we didn't talk much. I do think it's probably telling that he didn't bring it up around other people though. I mean, if it were platonic, he could have just said, "hey S, we still on for lunch tomorrow?" or even, "I don't think I'm going to be able to make lunch tomorrow". No big deal, right? Well apparently he had more than lunch in mind, whether or not he was planning on acting on those thoughts. So my weekend is looking depressingly free. This, my friends, is what they call Sexual Frustration. *sigh*

needing some insight

I've been sitting on hold with a credit card company for 13:42, so I'm listening to the lovely music on speakerphone as I write.

There's so much I want to say that I don't even know where to start. Got it. T. Got to chat with him today and yesterday. Yesterday he made another comment about me being naked (remember the laying out convo?). This time he was teasing me about having naked pictures online (I DO NOT have any such thing, nor will I ever-- this was a JOKING conversation). The funniest thing is that, practically in the same breath, he weaved the word "wife" into the conversation. Very casually, as in, "my wife has friends that live there blah blah. Weird!! He is a strange agent, T. So then today, didn't think I was even going to see him, but got to briefly. I asked him what he thought about my couple extra earrings, since I wanted another opinion after the debate I had with the other guy last week. Dialogue was more or less as follows:

Me: What, if anything, does this (pulling hair behind my ear so he can see my 2 little earrings) make you think of me?
T: (pondering) what if anything... (looks at me with a glint in his eyes) That you're easy.
Me: Really? Come on, be serious, I'm in an ongoing debate about this.
T: No, I don't know...
[later in the day, still on same subject]
T: So you're just about the ear then, huh? Nothing else?
Me: Yep! Well and my belly button. (T gives me a look) I was 15 and thought I was badass!
T: See? What next, nipples?
Me: Never! Never in a million years
T: see if you got that, then I would look, and then tell you what I thought...
Me: (laugh, rolled my eyes) of course you would.

Wow, also need to say that I JUST spoke to the credit card person. Anyway though, what the heck!? You would honestly think that I dressed like a total floozy by the way guys react to me at work. Well, no, but these guys have balls! Seriously who says stuff like that? Also, I put B in his place today. He's been really intense with the inappropriate comments since he found out that I got a brazillian wax (how the HELL did he find that out?! I hate the girls I work with...). So I was finally like, ok, chill with that.

I think K is on vacation because this is three days that I haven't seen him, and I've been around all his usual haunts. Bummer. Oh well, I suppose now that I've got a new married guy to lust after, I can't be TOO upset. Ass update: still hurts like a bitch. Going to have a bruise the size of Texas, but at least the parts that got cut up are starting to scab over. Probably going to have lunch with T on Friday and definitely seeing him tomorrow to talk about Friday so obviously I'll be back for an update.

has anyone seen my coordination?

I have a raspberry on my ASS.
While rollerblading today, I was sashaying on my merry way past three guys. I looked up, gave them my cool "hi" smile, then took a stride or two.
As soon as my foot touched down on the branch, I was a goner. Wobble, wobble, CRASH. Somehow I managed to fall on my knee AND my backside. Anyway, I sort of ended up in the sitting position, but I just laid down on my back for a second and felt sorry for myself. When I sat up to brush off my pride-- I mean knees, I was composed.
The guys were actually really nice. They ran out to help me, made sure I was ok, my ipod wasn't broken, joked around with me. I made light of it. One of them sort of tried to hit on me (really? you think this is a good time?), commenting something facetious about how "I was covering up so well".
This clumsiness really needs to stop.

Work was ehh today. Didn't get to see K (where is he this time?) and barely saw T or my new fave dude who said I was beautiful twice. On the bright side, I got a lot of compliments today. I looked pretty great if I do say so myself. Gotta go ice my ass (I wish I were kidding). Peace out home fries.

lazy sunday (wake up in the late afternoon...)

Today made me feel like all I need in life is a cloudless sky and an empty stomach.

Laid out from like 10 to 2-- prime sun hours, obviously, and didn't eat until around 3-ish when I figured I probably needed to eat at some point. Really though, it's almost crazy how much better I feel when I haven't eaten yet. Note: I am NOT anorexic. At all. I'm pretty thrilled about how that whole thing is going though, because I got this hot new black pencil skirt, thinking it was a size 8, but realized when I got home that it's really a 6! Guess who's down another size, ladies and gentlemen?

I also want to point out that I deserve some major props for not drinking in, well, FOREVER. I came to the realization that alcohol is not only empty calories, but it tends to be a bad influence on my behavior. If you think I'm an idiot sober, you should see me hammered. Especially in light of recent developments on the men front, I am quite proud of my newfound sobriety. We'll see how long it lasts.

I'm pretty excited to see K tomorrow, since I haven't really gotten to talk to him in a while. Oh my gosh, I forgot to even say the exciting thing that happened friday with my older flirtation that may or may not have a name on here. (later note: Ray) He's the one whose friend said I have a beautiful face. So anyway, he asked me to join him for lunch on Friday! I couldn't because I had to be in court (for work-- I'm not THAT badass), but the point is that he asked me, and it was really not such a big deal! So I've decided to step it up and either go to lunch with him if he asks again, or maybe even just "man up" (as my brother would say) and ask K to get lunch. No big deal. Oooh and hopefully I'll see T again too ;). I love men!

Shit I haven't worked out yet today... I'll have to fit in at least a short run before I do my weekly outfit-picking ordeal. Adieu!

Side note: how creepy are those site tracker things?! The ones that display your town on the pages that you visit. CREEPERS! That's all.

i'm beautiful!

I was told that THREE times today. Three times, by two different people, before noon! Great day, great day. I don't need to go into detail because details are so often unnecessary and boring, but the guy who said it twice was the one that I was working closely with for the first time today, M, and we had gotten into this debate about my few extra ear piercings and image. The point was, at one point in the argument, he was describing me as smart, classy, etc, to say that the earrings were conflicting with that, and he said "you're a beautiful girl. A beautiful girl." Just like that, with the emphasis on beautiful.

Then the other time, R was trying to get me to show him my drivers license picture (he'd been giving me a hard time about it before since I wouldn't show it-- I'm fatter in it; no man needs to see that shit) and the other guy, his friend that I sort of am friendly with, said, "why do you need to see a picture when you have this beautiful face right here?"

What a day!

why pretty people are disliked

People consciously or subconsciously hold people that are attractive up to a higher standard. Their actions are scrutinized more closely; for example, not being friendly makes you uppity or conceited while being too friendly makes you fake. People are more critical of you because they want to prove to themselves that nobody can "have it all".

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my weakness

Deep down, I am lonely.

my life is a joke

Or a soap opera. Saw J today, several times. I could tell he was trying to keep it under wraps around the GF and because of all of the drama surrounding him and I, but he did say hi the one time he came close enough to say hi, and every other time I saw him, he checked me out up and down. I think he doesn't even realize how obvious he is with the up-and-downing. Like he thinks that if only his eyes move, no one will notice.

Also, another much older flirtation (I've forgotten if I've given him a title-- I confuse myself with all my lettered men)--Ray-- asked me how old I was in a manner that suggested that he knew he was too old for me, but just had to know for sure. It's interesting to note which types of men go how far in their flirtations with a younger, attractive (I told you, modesty is overrated) woman. I think it's really a confidence thing with the men. Hell, with ALL of us. But with men, it seems like it takes a lot of confidence to be able to hit on a woman that they think is out of their league, and if the woman is attractive, being younger only makes her more out of their league. Hopefully that made sense.

A realization I had can be best summarized by a warning.
DANGER! BEWARE THESE WORDS:
"whatever"/ "whatever you want"
"I don't care!"
The only explanation I'm going to give for why these phrases are dangerous is that I used them both several times when I went out with J last Thursday.

she said it best

"Flirt in moderation. Be careful of sexual joking because its never really a joke.". --sheri argov

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introducing t

Am I wearing a sign that says "married? taken? hit on me!" Really. It's getting kind of ridiculous. So T is the attorney I mentioned once (twice?), the one who is absolutely the most attractive one that I see on a daily basis. Just started talking to me like last week, and today said this in passing:

T: what'd you do this weekend?
Me: not a whole lot; relaxed, laid out
T: laid out? naked or clothed?

I burst out laughing. Actually I just laughed writing it. It wasn't an awkward laugh though-- I laugh a lot, so it was more just a characteristic giggle. Then I saw him a little bit later and he proved that he wasn't really kidding about the laying out, because he asked me where I laid out. Like this time, it was just conversational, but it showed me that he was still thinking about it. Oh, T, you are so sexy (*cough*withthreekids*cough*). Oh, my life.

Update on the other two:
K is loving me (modesty is overrated). I haven't been paying him as much attention and it's making him all the more into me.
J was nowhere to be found today. That's not that weird, I'm just hypersensitive because I keep thinking about seeing him. The GF didn't say a word to me today.

pre-bedtime runs aren't the smartest

Now I am too awake and I have to be up early in the morning. Ew I feel old saying that.

So I wanted to give a brief K update since I've neglected that story line due to the whole J scandal. He's still hot, he still flirts dangerously with me, but nothing really further. Other than his eyes being super-glued to me on thursday (guess that was some outfit, huh? In case you forgot, thursday was the J incident). I didn't see K on friday because of weird summer schedules that have been making it less likely for me to see him this past week and apparently this upcoming week too. Bummer.

So we'll see what happens with J and K tomorrow. You know I'll update as soon as something exciting (or semi-interesting) happens.

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laying low

It may be a Saturday night, but I figured it was probably best for me to stay in and lay low for the night, given the ridiculous things that have been happening to me this past week. I still can hardly believe this stuff is happening to ME of all people. Me, who hasn't gotten a second glance from guys for longer than I'd care to mention. Me, who is all of a sudden this attractive girl who doesn't know what to do with her sex appeal (wait, there are consequences for having that??). Maturity is about to smack me in the face and I don't know how I feel about it.

Actually, the weird thing is, I've always been mature. I guess I'm just not mature in the one way that's seeming to dominate my life at this point in time. Oh well, at least I can't complain that my life is boring.

I've made this brilliant observation and now I have to share it

Hypothetical:
When a person is high, they have an inaccurate experience of the time/ space continuum. Because of this, it is far more difficult for the person to explain what happened when sober, or also to explain the body's actual physical reaction to events because time and space were not perceived correctly at the time of the occurrence of said events.

Hm. I'm not sure if I explained that rationally. I'll have to check tomorrow. It is a good thing that I can't un-post things from this phone because now I'll have a way to see things from a different frame of mind, at another time. Eyes are blurring gotta go.

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another joke, not to be taken seriously.

The subject is in regards to any offhand comments about my overall demeanor.



Not a joke: J is nine years older than me. Think I neglected to mention that. So things with that will certainly blow over but today they were "ehhh". The thing is, I amlost actually cheated. I must really be a bad person or something because I am the worst combination of innocent and knowing what I want without really understanding the repercussions.



Its like I love the attention because I had gotten so used to being looked through instead of at. So now that all of a sudden men are coming out of the woodwork, I don't really know how to deal with it.



I still get a little thrill from remembering the way J acts around me... It sort of makes my day when the single-most attractive but taken-with-three-kids attorney at work goes out of his way for me to notice him so that I'll stop and chat with him... Does that make me a bad person? I'm not sure.



I can be SO smart sometimes. Oh my gosh, on the way home from the store we got in the wrong car and I put my key in it before I saw my actual car parked fifteen feet away! Crazy shit.

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