first post

Hey.

I'm sitting on the train on my way home from the City and the guy sitting next to me just got up. He reeked of pot and it made me really want to smoke but that just reminded me that I have no one to smoke with. Which maybe should make me more upset than it does. He also didn't look at me. The whole time, not a glance. He pretended to be busy with his blackberry the entire time. I won't take that as an insult or a compliment to my level of attractiveness. My birthday is imminent and as of yet I have no plans. Thanks, best friends. You really know how to come through in the clutch. I'm not as bitter as I sound. Really. I'll just chill and people watch until my stop is called. Its about twenty seconds later and I'm laughing on the inside because I just saw the manager of the pool I worked at for four summers. I'm able to maintain my amusement only because she didn't see me. It didn't end well.

Debating calling this thing "pretty" instead of "having it". I wanted to put thing in quotes because I can't decide if its a blog or a book or journal or just a piece of shit that no one will read. Keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be the last one. Yesterday when I realized that I have to do SOMEthing with my thoughts, I entertained the idea of a blog but now I'm leaning towards trying to make it into a novel or at least a book. "It" being all the stuff inside my head that pounds against it and makes me cry because I NEED to do something MORE. I'm hoping this will help me figure things out. Also hoping even more so that its interesting to someone besides me and probably my mom. I say probably because she zones out a lot when I try to explain complex things. I think she and I are just not the same brand of smart and that's not meant as an insult. This is a long ass paragraph and I'm making a bunch of typos.