just to shake things up a little

tomorrow

instead of waiting I focus on the droplets gathering in the wooden windowpanes,
each one swelling and stretching until it spills over the ledge,
racing, noiseless, down the glass and leaving
a trail of little smudged pieces of itself behind.

instead of waiting I listen to the low rumble of your laugh
when I tease you, inhale the shoulder of your favorite suit, watch
the black dots of your eyes grow heat. It reaches my skin from across the room.
When I look back you’re still there: one arm perched on the railing.

Instead of waiting I scrape my pencil on the thin-lined paper
each word fills a space, each curve of each letter
reminds me and I have to erase each word that isn’t perfect.
My handwriting has never been so neat.

instead of waiting I switch on my closet light
and flip through the clothes, putting things together like an actress
before her wardrobe.
I stand sideways in front of my mirror in that black dress and bright red heels

Instead of waiting I am giving
up coffee in favor of tea. Every morning I wake up
and pour a little less into my mug. I force the stream into its last few drops
and turn on the water to boil.

Instead of waiting I dump everything from my drawers onto my bed.
I try on, sort and toss. Make piles of yes, no, maybe.
Your t-shirt with the faded letters smells like Sunday afternoon.
yes… maybe. No. No's go into a black garbage bag; I’ll throw it out tomorrow.



…but what if you forget me?